One night in Bangkok

“Curiousity Killed the Cat”

Bangkok Nightlife is gross. Very gross. At least the touristy parts. I could have told you that the first time I stepped foot in the city. Besides the middle aged lone white males that wander the streets, I’m just not a fan of visiting big cities while abroad. But I thought that since we’re here, might as well make it the most.

Here’s what happened. My curious anthropological instincts and journalistic mind lead us to see the “Ping Pong Show” in Pat Pong Alley. Pat Pong alley itself is decent, a raunchier version of Khao San road. On the right with knock off clothes in back to back stalls, and the left with wide open doors, into a sneak peak of that’s available to you for a very low baht rate – 15 year old pale girls with 50 yr old men guts & manly faces attempting to sexually lure you in the strip club. Then seconds later while failing, spreading their hairy legs and crotch in the air begging you to come and promising you a good time.

But no, I couldn’t just settle for a standard raunchy strip club. I had my persistent mind set on the worst of the worst. For those that aren’t familiar, it’s a strip show (or SHIT SHOW) of women shooting ping pong balls out of their –you know whats– into shot cups. Not that I wanted to see if for personal arousels, was just curious to take this sex trafficking district into a new level, to encounter first hand the types of women there and their enviroment.

We were approached every minute by some greasy, scronny dark Thai man with a laminated card on the “Ping Pong Show”: 200 Baht to see ping pong shoot out with water, 300 Baht to see 2 shoot out. They offered a 20 Baht tuk tuk ride to the show, free charge of show to outskirts of China town, near Pat pong.

We took our own taxi of 80 Baht to Pat pong because I wanted the REAL THING. We were approached right out the cab to see the show, for 100 Baht, 2 beers, free show. I accepted excitedly, Chad trotting behind very reluctantly and skeptical.

He lead us up dark narrow stairs off the road into a 2nd story shady strip club. The moment we entered, the heavy doors shut immediately behind us. It was a rather empty bar with 5 foul looking girls on stage in just a thong. We sat and 2 beers slammed on our table by a haggardly old woman, i double checked by asking her if it was 100 Baht for 2 beers, and free show? “Yes” she agreed.

Thereafter a repulsive gorilla looking he/she came to our table topless telling us she’s thirsty and needed a Cola. We said No. A cup landed on our table which I will assume where the ping pong ball would land into. Without a thought, I hopped 3 feet horizontally. I, for the life of me, as my last dying wish is to not have that ping pong ball ever touch me, or even get within breathing distance from me, contracting some unkonwn STD’s.. or possibly even the next worldwide Pandemic.

[ Just a thought: Anyone ever wonder if maybe Pandemic’s in history have been broken out from ping pong balls that have shot out of underaged girls vagina’s? Well, there’s something to ponder about in your down time today. ]

The whole club’s attention seemed to be shifted towards us, I believe we were the only foreigners. It was smelly very shady, and Chad wanted out immediately. He had mentioned it reminded him of a time in Russia years ago, when the Russian mafia tricked him & his buddy at a strip club into paying 1500 Euro’s, gun to their heads. So without even drinking the beer, we got up in attempt to sneak out & leave. We debated whether or not to even pay the 100 Baht we agreed to, because not only did we not take a sip, we didn’t even see the lady open it, not knowing what she could have slipped. As we were about to step out, we hear some large lady gesturing to the cashier “PAY! PAY!” I pull out my 100 on the table, and turn to leave again.

This big Pimp lady guards the door and whips out her pricing card. HOLY SHIT!
–1 Drink 300 Baht
–1 Show 1000 Baht
–1 Person 1500 Baht

Soon, 2 more people surround her blocking the door, then 4. I was about to piss my pants! We tell her we have no money, and that guy told us 100 baht. She looks around, cold-hearted evil bitch, “Who told you that? I dont see anyone, he’s not here anymore is he!?”

“Pay UP!”
“You come to my show, you want to leave without paying?”

She said something along the lines like “You come to my show, no pay, then you take off your clothes, and let’s see” *slightly tugging my shirt*

I dont know if it was the lighting, but it sure looked like she had cat eyes. They were hazel and glowing in the dark, the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. The man who brought us there was no longer there. He must have made his commission for the night. Gone home to his family of 6 to feed, or maybe to a higher end Pong Show up the street to spend OUR money.

Chad pulls out 1000 Baht, I pull out 1000 “That’s all we have, sorry”. They open the door and let us go. That’s about 70$. For nothing, not even a sip of beer. But I will say that’s the price of a lesson. And not being stupid enough to follow a man into a show out of simple curiousity.

My safety zone had been raped. Raped of all Innocence, here in Bangkok. Ready for the Road!

I had a cigarette after. I rarely ever smoke. Hopped in a cab and went back to our lovely hostel. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home! Even if home at that moment is a Lonely planet recommended hostel with smiling OF AGE Thai front desk workers, English families and Finish frat boys downing beer in the pool room.