Today isn’t an ordinary day outside of being grateful of being alive and healthy. I just thought to give a shoutout to this extraordinary man, my partner for the past 10.5 years, Sriram. We rarely post mushy shit as I don’t find it necessary. I think there are times I take for granted how incredibly blessed I am to have found a partner as supportive and loving as him. It truly makes a universe of difference if your partner is supportive or not.
Every wild idea I have ever come up with (partially serious or not), has never been met with a “you’re insane” or “you can’t do it.” I once told a guy, “my dream is to become an Asian Oprah, I want my own talkshow.” He replied sarcastically & patronizingly with, “Wow, you have ambitious dreams.” And that was the end of that conversation. (You may also be able to guess that he was insecure and would not have ever been ok with a woman who makes more money than him.) When I told Sri this same dream, he responded with:
“What are you waiting for? You’ll kill it and even be better than Oprah! Write your goals down and the steps it’ll take. Let’s enroll you in TV hosting classes and start a youtube channel right away. I believe in you!”
Can you see the different roads women and men end up taking, depending on the support of their partners?
I share this for those that are single and seeking, or those reevaluating their current relationship. To decide if being with a fully supportive partner is a dealbreaker or not. For me, it is 100%. I also recommend writing down top qualities you want in a partner, the non-negotiable components, as well as the things you wish, but is not a deal breaker. I wrote my list a few months before I met Sri and he checked all the necessaries: Family-Oriented, Loves to Travel, Will be a Good Father, Gets along with my Male Friends, Motivated, Self-Sufficient and is always open to Learning new things.
1 + 1 = 2
We are both very independent people. When we got together, we never became ONE. We are 2 people who’s attraction linked us together, and we both bring creativity and past experiences to the table. And continue to grow each and every day – while building a lifetime of memories.
We get asked way too often when and if we will get married. Truth be told, I find this repetitive question barbaric and incredibly annoying. So if you’re reading this, please never ask this again, and save our conversation topics for something more philosophical, progressive and meaningful por favor. Thanks in advance! I’m not anti-marriage, I am pro- do whatever you want to do, what’s true to your heart without having to follow ancient traditions if it doesn’t suit you (especially if your choice doesn’t hurt anyone). The point of dating shouldn’t be only the goal of “marriage”. Too many people get married for the wrong reasons.
The point of life should be to find a partner you are compatible with, whether a few months, years or even a life time. There are some happy marriages, and plenty of miserable, cheating ones. Being married doesn’t make you holier than those who aren’t, and it certainly doesn’t make you a better parent. There are also no guarantees in marriage, as it can be easily broken just as fast as you said yes. No one should live miserably because they signed some papers. Your commitment to each other is enough, not forced on state papers or religious rituals.
Men who Get Upset if You Talk to Other Men are Lame and Pity AF
I have been able to successfully build my Title Business with Sri’s ongoing support. Many women starting in the Real Estate field ask me how to deal with jealous partners when meeting male clients. It baffles my mind that this is even a thing, whether you’re a man or a woman. Your partner should trust that you can handle yourself professionally, and the excuse “I just don’t trust the others” is a cop out to them not trusting that you can handle yourself.
I have moments where I get exhausted from this cutthroat industry. I half jokingly say that I’m going to retire. Sri encourages me to keep working. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. He knows that making money gets me excited, otherwise I won’t feel challenged and be bored out of my mind.
“How Does He Let You Travel So Much?”
A common question is, “How does he let you travel so much?” We both find this silly. Neither of us have ever “asked permission” to do anything. He doesn’t ever have to ask if he can Golf, whether it’s 3 times a week or not. It’s a discussion to be had between 2 mutually respectful adults, with practical approaches to dealing with the situation. It isn’t a priority for him to travel with me on every trip as he’s focused on his new businesses (and he’s more of a homebody anyways). But he doesn’t ever tell me not to go somewhere because he knows that traveling is a top priority and joy in my life.
We do enjoy 2-3 trips a year together though, and typically to a tropical getaway. Our time apart is just as enriching as our time together. There isn’t a day that goes by without updates of what new experiences we are both having, new people we meet.. and of course photos of what we’re eating.
A Man Who Truly Believes in “Equal Rights for All”
Sri is a living proof that men can be feminists too and he would certainly identify as one if you asked. One’s actions speak louder than words. His outlook on women, the way he always encourages his sister, me and all women of the world, proves this. I don’t ever hear a “you/she can’t do it.. because you’re a woman”. There is no manipulation or twisted words from his mouth to discourage women from achieving their fullest potential and absolute greatness. In addition, he:
- Regularly praises and supports strong, educated women
- Is Pro-Choice and thinks it’s non-negotiable
- Believes that there should be more women in politics to make half the decision making
On the note of Equality, it was also Sri who openly confronted some of my own biases on race when we first met. As mentioned in my previous post on confronting racist Asians, I admitted that I was raised in that surrounding. Some of the beliefs and stereotypes rubbed off on me. I have been able to grow and evolve through the years because of his insight. And vice versa, I have done the same to him, on sharing my outlook on different religions as I travel to various regions in the world.
I Wasn’t Looking for a Doctor. But I Found One that Truly Cares about People.
When mothers tell their daughters to marry a Doctor or Lawyer, most of the time it’s for financial security, the “class” and “face”. My parents never told me that. They always raised me to be independent and to simply find a good person. My father even once said, “I don’t necessarily think you should be with a Doctor or Lawyer”, like the other Asian parents did. “Because if they work too much, they won’t have time to spend with you and your kids.” Having a supportive father lead me to finding a supportive good man, irregardless of his title or job. But certainly, it doesn’t hurt to have a doctor at home when I get sick.
Sri is an MD with a Masters in Public Health. His focus has been on Preventative and Occupational Medicine (Worker’s Comp related cases) and also took a Fellowship in Integrative and Holistic Medicine. While he is the type that can fall asleep the second his head hits the pillow, I know the one thing that keeps him up at night is the Medical industry in the US. Because of his true passion to help people, it frustrates him the amount of greed in Insurance Companies and some Attorneys. If he didn’t need money, he would be giving free medical help to all. Sri has always encouraged eating healthy, exercising over prescription drugs.
Find a Man Who Supports the Causes You Care About
Every Non-Profit I’ve done extensive research on and support, he has always voluntarily matched donations without me even asking. This includes our biggest priority which is to support basic childhood education & healthcare in the most rural parts of India and throughout the world via Room to Read, Team Seva and Acumen. This is in addition to his decades long support for the Special Olympics.
Moments when I get lazy and frustrated, he knows the right words to get me back on my feet. He doesn’t dangle material things (because that doesn’t work). He reminds me of the children and causes that could use my help. And that we should continue to take advantage of our privileged position to give back. His level-headed voice of reason keeps me grounded, in times of happiness as well as times I feel very down.
I just want to honor my biggest fan and partner today,
As I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for all his support.
So thank you Sriram for being you!